Like fizz in a glass of champagne, you must enjoy happiness now or it goes flat.
However, a relatively new field called positive psychology suggests that we can find happiness by cultivating skill sets that produce chemical shifts in your brain.
Set aside 10 minutes a day to experiment with these exercises and you may be surprised to discover that finding happiness is easier than losing 5 pounds.
1. Laugh! The immune system loves it when you laugh it up. In Anatomy of an Illness, Norman Cousins describes how he healed himself from what doctors called an incurable disease by watching old comedies every day. You can also exercise your sense of humor by listening to comedians and swapping jokes.
2. Become your own best friend. As nurturers, many women find it easier to help someone else than to care for themselves. After Denise Hankins' son was killed in a motorcycle accident, "People kept calling to find out how I was doing and inviting me to events where they would be solicitous," she said. Hankins felt guilty not responding to their concern. "I was expending energy I did not have until I pretended to be my own best friend." How? Ask: "What would I tell my friend to do in this situation?"
3. Keep a "good news" journal. After a series of bad investments, Patricia Weiss got depressed. "What helped me the most was writing down one good thing that happened every day. It helped me stay optimistic during the dark times," she said. After several months of keeping her "good news" journal, Weiss, 62, landed a job as a receptionist. "I kept up with my journal and guess what? My boss praised me for being upbeat and soon promoted me to office manager."
4. See the big picture. Though our constitution grants us the right to pursue happiness, the United States is not a Land of Gross National Happiness. That title goes to the Himalayan kingdom of Bhutan. On a map of 107 nations profiled in a global study of happiness, we are #23. The five happiest countries: Denmark, Switzerland, Austria, Iceland, and the Bahamas. Bhutan ranks eighth. Latin American nations are higher up on the world happiness map due to such cultural values as close family ties and friendships.
5. Feel what's real. The ancients believed that life contains 10,000 sorrows and 10,000 joys. That doesn't mean sadness rocks. "Life isn't good or bad. It's both. It is what it is," said Hankins. "Happiness is not about achieving a constant high. Sometimes it is appropriate to be upset. The ability to experience all emotions is one of the keys to happiness, " said Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar, author of Happier: Learn the Secrets to Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment and a Harvard professor of positive psychology. Another benefit to feeling what's real: "You become more beautiful to yourself and others, said Dr. Keith Ablow, host of TV's Dr. Keith Show.
6. Fake it 'till you make it. When you can't stop replaying an event that makes you feel bad, remember that your subconscious mind works like a television. Nothing says that you must watch the reruns. It is within your power to create a Happiness Channel that plays pleasant and inspiring scenes from your own life. Instead of ruminating over a catty coworker's remarks, imagine you are holding a remote control. Click on the Happiness Channel and your brain will do the rest.
7. Imagine your future self, living a compelling life. Many of us lead such spin-cycle lives that we hit the ground running and don't stop until bedtime. Too much busy-ness robs us of a sense of purpose. "The search for meaning is a megatrend of the 21st century" said Alex Pattakos, Ph.D., author of Prisoners of our Thoughts. "We need to spend time creating a blueprint for a meaningful future in order to find happiness."
8. Have a "Think Week." In their book Repotting, Ginger Pape and Diana Halman outline 10 steps for women to create an action plan for a meaningful life. First step: "Think Week" in which you reflect on what brings happiness to you and what's missing. "Life is a kaleidoscope. You have different needs at different times in your life," said Pape who left consulting to become an author.
9. Cherish a "tiny window of time." Waiting while the oil is changed? Computer not booting up? Stuck on hold with the phone company? In my seminars, I show women how to find "tiny windows of time" when they can close their eyes and think of just one thing that gives them pleasure. Okay, raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens are so over. Try one of these: one yellow rose with a drop of water on its petal; an artful crystal glass shining with your favorite wine; the scent of your sexiest perfume; the first taste of a freshly baked cookie. A couple of seconds can make a world of difference to your emotional state.
10. Give away what you love. An unhappy woman went to see her doctor. "I have nothing to live for and I plan to kill myself tonight," she told him. The doctor listened carefully, then asked what activity she loved the most. "I love growing my violets," she said. He asked her to promise not to harm herself for one month. During that time, she was to give violets that she had grown to anyone who needed cheering up. If she still wanted to end her life after one month, she was to come back to see him. The doctor never heard from her again. Twenty years later, he read an obituary about "the violet lady" who brought happiness to grieving families, patients in hospitals, and those in need by giving them her home-grown violets. Thousands came to her memorial service to pay tribute to the joy she had brought them by giving away what she loved the most.
Dr. Laurie Nadel has a dual career in psychology and journalism. Author of the best-seller "Dr. Laurie Nadel's Sixth Sense: Unlocking Your Ultimate Mind Power" (ASJA Press, 2007), she has appeared on "Oprah" and "Coast-to-Coast AM with Art Bell and George Noory." She offers coaching and consulting services to individuals and organizations. For more information: http://www.laurienadel.com
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